Of all the things I’ve lost…

A funny thing has dawned on me recently.  During the course of an average day, I read code at least 2 to 3 times.  Sometimes it’s to quickly evaluate read a plugin I’ve downloaded, sometimes it’s to do a thorough review, and sometime’s it’s just because I want to know how something works.  I even have been spending more time with languages that I hadn’t looked at in years.  But.  I haven’t written a real application* in over a year.

Don’t get me wrong, I script a fair bit… I did so a little bit this weekend, in fact.  But it’s hit me how much it’s dissimilar from actual programming.  Most of my scripts are quick tools to reach places that are too hard to set up macros for, or to parse out some text I want to use later.  I haven’t sat down and designed, built tests, implemented, fixed API and released code in well over a year.

And that feeling burns.

I spent well over the last 12 years of my life writing code.  Not always to the best of quality, mind you– but with lots of focus, energy and general zeal.  Toward the last few years of my development time, I was actually getting fairly sharp.  I had studied how language affected API development, and had some really nerdy insight into how the CLR and other .NET goodness worked.  I could imagine something, draw it out, write it and get it working pretty quickly.  I was a good engineer.

Now, I am fumbling over a little project I started over 3 months ago– for no real good reason.  A part of me thinks it’s because I am attempting to program it in a language I’ve not written a medium-sized app in before.  Another part of me thinks it’s because I have so many half-baked patterns in my head that I can’t seem to find one that fits the way I want.  Another part of me, perhaps just my demons speaking, feels like I am getting old and dull.

Either way I slice it– I must finish this code, I think.  It’s a “moral imperative” as some geniuses I know might say.

* I did write a version of pywebfuzz in ruby so I could quickly grab payloads– but I can’t and won’t release it in its hacky shape.

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